The 5 Things That Every Man Wants

I apologize in advance if what I am about to say offends anyone, but truth bomb here is that I have found that men are pretty simple.

And meeting the needs of men basically boils down to a handful of things: Five things specifically. I call it my DARNT approach.

Men Want to Be Desired

“A strong wish for or want (for something).”

Surprise, surprise! Men want to be desired. Men want to know that you find them desirable. They want to feel virile and handsome, just as women want to feel pretty or beautiful. If your man is overweight or balding, he already knows this and does not need your reminders. He will not thrive on suggestions to lose weight, comparisons to a former lover, or comments about how Brad Pitt is still so handsome at 50. Instead, he does need to know that you still see him as the young, strong lover that you married years ago.

Men Want to Be Admired

“To regard (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval.”

Approval is the key word here. Men simply do not thrive on criticism and judgment, nor does nagging or shouting bring out the best in them.

Admiration and respect are perfectly matching bookends. While they are both emotional states, actions grow out of them. For example, you might express admiration verbally more than respect, but respect is displayed in the way you treat that person, especially during those times when you find you have different perspectives on an issue.

Admiration is fairly public. It is openly showing and stating your approval for your mate. This can come in the form of boasting about how your husband got the neighbor’s cat out of a tree, fixed a stranger’s flat tire, stood up for something honorable, or bought a homeless guy a meal. It can also be an adoring look or the touch of a hand.

Men Want to Be Respected

“A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”

Men often pride themselves on solving problems and handling things. A man wants to feel that his approach is good and that the woman he loves appreciates his abilities and qualities.

Respect for a man can be shown in many ways, and men tell me that there are two common ways in which they feel disrespected in their marriages. The first is that their wives often fail to respect their point of view on a topic, and the second is that their feelings aren’t respected.

Contrary to admiration, respect is often found in more private settings than public. It’s revealed in respecting your mate’s decisions and feelings without judging or critiquing them.

I encourage wives to actively seek out ways to demonstrate respect and appreciation for their husbands in things that are small and large, but especially when it relates to decisions and feelings.

Ladies, sometimes we women forget that men have feelings, too.

Men Want to Feel Needed

“(Something) required because it is essential or very important.”

This is all about value and significance. In a world that seems to devalue males, it’s important that your mate understands that he has value to you.

It can come in many forms, big and small, like fixing things; opening things; listening when you had a bad day; taking your car in to get serviced; cooking the holiday turkey; opening your car door. There are likely countless things that your mate does that brings value.

If a man is made to feel as though he is not needed, he may seek out other ways to be of service. He may help neighbors or be attracted to a co-worker that seems to need car repairs. Or he may withdraw.

Nowadays, it’s possible for women to make more money than men. This will really bother some, not because they’re misogynist, but because in a world that has devalued the role of men, not being needed to bring home the bacon can scare them. They’re afraid that they won’t be needed, and thus in danger of losing you.

Men Want to Be Trusted

“[Something that inspires a] firm belief in its reliability, truth, ability, or strength.”

Trusting is knowing that you can count on your mate to follow through and handle things. It is having faith in him and letting him know that you consider him able.

How do you show your mate that you trust him and consider him able? Do you let them make plans and not micro-manage the plans? Do you expect them to follow through on promises and agreements? Or how about trusting that your mate can solve problems without your step by step guidance?

Yes, trust is more than just being faithful.

Yet, one of the reasons that affairs destroy marriages is that regaining trust afterward is a very long, hard road, and indeed, trust may never be restored.

I hope you can see that although marriage can be a complicated and hilly road to travel sometimes, men themselves are really not that complicated. If you think of all the things in this list, you can see that many, if not all, of the requirements they have are not unfamiliar, because women want them too!

So, the next time you’re thinking that marriage is hard, and you just can’t figure out what to do for your man, just think, “It’s not that hard, DARNT!”

Love,