5 Things We Need to Stop Sharing with Our Girlfriends About Our Husbands

Girlfriend time is important.

In fact, I would say it it crucial at times. It’s great to have girlfriends to talk to and feel comfortable with telling anything. The truth is, however, some things just should not be shared, even with your bestie. I know you tell her everything. I get it. I love my bestie too and authenticity is part of our friendship foundation.  Yet, some things really are better left unsaid.

But, it happens all the time. Somewhere in the world, right now, someone is telling her bestie something that she probably shouldn’t about her mate. I know it’s not your intention to hurt you hubby, but oversharing can have that very result. Seemingly harmless gab with friends may just come back to bite you in the rear later.

Consider these five things we really shouldn’t share with our girls about our men. And if you are sharing them, from one wife to another, please stop.

1. Stop sharing specifics about your fights and arguments.

Heck, every couple has arguments and disagreements. It would be absurd to think you and your mate are always going to see eye to eye on all things. Admitting that your mate and you don’t always see eye to eye is fine, but sharing the details of your troubles can undermine the delicate trust that everyone in a relationship needs to have.

Good friends are supportive, encouraging, and want to keep you from pain, and when you share with your friends the details of your latest relationship troubles, you may think you’re just letting off a little steam or vying for a bit of sympathy or support. Unfortunately, in an attempt to be a good friend, your friends may encourage you to do something drastic, something like leaving him, telling him off, throwing his clothes out the window, or leaving for two days and not telling him where you are so he’ll worry. Yep, I have heard all of these…and worse (aaahhhhh).

2. Stop recounting the things that irk and irritate you about your mate.

Piggybacking the previous point, sharing the little things your mate does that really irritate and irk you can be harmful to the fabric of trust a marriage needs to thrive. These kinds of irritants are a two-way street, so I am sure you do things that irk and irritate your mate too. Ask yourself this: How would you feel if your mate shared these little vulnerabilities with his friends? If you’re like me, it wouldn’t feel very good. So, let’s not belittle our fellas like that either.

3. Don’t discuss your mate’s flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.

Everyone has flaws, weaknesses, and things that they’re just no good at. Everyone!

Marriage is a sacred and vulnerable place, a place in which, if done well, your mate will know your biggest weaknesses and flaws and you will know his – and still love you despite them all! Sharing your mate’s flaws and weaknesses is a violation of this sacred space. Finding this out can cause your mate to withdraw and shut down. At the very least, your mate will feel a violation of trust and be less likely to trust you in the future. Most certainly, your mate will be hesitant to want to spend time around your friends, knowing that they have inside information about his flaws and weaknesses.

If your mate can’t balance a checkbook or change a flat tire, that is none of your girlfriends’ business. Furthermore, telling a girlfriend something in confidence doesn’t mean she won’t accidentally or intentionally let it slip that she knows the chink in his armor. We should always be careful of not publicly flogging our hubbies.

A client of mine, Julie, learned this the hard way. She had been close friends with Nora for years. She told Nora that her husband, William, cries in chick flicks.  At a couple’s dinner a few months later, Nora joked of William and how he cries during girl movies. It was awkward, to say the least. William was humiliated, Julie felt violated, and Nora’s husband was embarrassed.

And, think. How would you feel if you knew that your mate was sharing your flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities with his friend? A little overexposed, I bet.

4. Keep your mate’s secrets, hopes, and dreams private.

Our men need to believe we are a safe harbor for his greatest hopes and dreams. He also needs to know he can trust us to keep his darkest secrets and fears. His dream could be to go back to school and earn his MBA or start his own business. His embarrassment could be the stupid thing he did as a teen. His secret could be growing up with an alcoholic parent. He may not want his biggest regrets, hopes, dreams, and secrets shared with others.

He chose us to be vulnerable with – not our friends.

5. Enough already on the oversharing about bedroom adventures and intimate time.

This one doesn’t require too much explanation. It’s called intimacy for a reason – it’s meant for just the two of you and no one else. Bedroom time is a sacred space between couples. It should be kept sacred and no details should be shared.

Your girlfriends may ask, but do not share details about your intimate life, no matter how much they prod or plead. This includes how often you make love, your favorite position, how experimental or adventurous you are, and especially any “difficulties” in the bedroom that you are experiencing. If there are problems in that department, seek professional advice, not friendship advice.

To some men, sharing bedroom problems is a big violation of trust and honestly, it’s just humiliating for them. Sharing bedroom problems with your girlfriends can compound problems. Instead, just tell them, “It’s really good.”

Because most men feel that they have to put on a strong front, they may not seem to mind these little betrayals or embarrassments at first. But they can build up for a long time before you even have the first conversation about this kind of thing, so learn from some other women who have been through this problem and paid the price. These little disclosures add up and erode the foundation of a marital relationship. Even the strong sturdy ones.

Take time to do a little systems check on what you sharing with your girlfriends. You definitely don’t want to experience the damage that can occur if you leave it unchecked.

On the flip side, you may never fully understand the rewards to reducing your oversharing, but you can be sure you’ll avoid many headaches and problems while you build real trust with your man.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these five areas? Do you find yourself oversharing about your man in one are more than others?

Here’s to discretion,