6 Things That May Be Negatively Affecting Your Marriage

If you’re reading this, you’re probably the kind of person who likes putting some effort into the little things that keep a marriage alive. You probably send notes, express appreciation, and make a point to do the little things to show your mate you care.

The following are areas that can sneak up on us and slowly undermine a great relationship even when you’re careful. Unfortunately, these areas are ever-present, so it’s easy not to even notice their effect on you.

Here are six areas to view in a clearer light so you can head off trouble before it begins.

1. Your Career

It’s great if you have a career, favorite cause, or really intense hobby that you love to throw yourself into. But no matter how outgoing and high-energy you are, you can start running out of steam. When that happens, the first relationship to get thrown under the bus might be, unfortunately, the one with your spouse. After all, you’ve been together for a while, and he seems to be understanding and forgiving.

And the gate swings both ways. Your spouse might be the one who’s so preoccupied. Don’t throw more demands for time on your spouse. Just seek out fun activities (or down time) you can enjoy together. Even just sitting on the swing outside or going to a movie can have bonding power.

2. Your Friends

Even the most well-meaning friends can get in the way at times. Here’s an often unrealized way it can hurt – you talk to your friends about your mate!

Nobody means any harm in this kind of talk, but how would you feel if your spouse spent more time with his or her friends and told them little secrets that you thought were just between the two of you?

Without meaning to, we can accidentally use our friends as a wedge between spouses rather than a healthy adjunct to a great primary relationship. So be discreet and make sure you have as much fun with your mate as you would with your friends, at least from time to time.

3. Someone’s Self Esteem

Low self-esteem has a negative impact on every area of your life. If you don’t feel good about who you are, you end up in this unhealthy pattern that compels you to look outwards for validation. The problem is, your spouse can’t give you anything that you aren’t willing to give yourself, and it’s not their job to heal you.

Low self-esteem makes you turn down compliments; assume it’s not important for you to be around; and generally make yourself seem so unimportant that you actually enable others to take advantage of you. It’s one of those things that slowly eats away at the relationships in your life, whether it’s you or your spouse who’s feeling insecure. The solution? Don’t take it personally if your mate has these issues, because it was probably there before you even met.

And if it’s you that suffers from this, give yourself the benefit of the doubt – if you were completely worthless, your mate probably wouldn’t have been attracted to you. Let yourself enjoy life a little and remember that nobody’s perfect.

4. Technology

Technology’s terrific. It’s not only a big part of most of our working lives, but it also provides vital communication and wonderful entertainment. It even provides educational games for our kids. But as much as you might hate to admit it, tech is so distracting that it really competes with your partner. Even if you hate to do this, try scheduling some unplugged time so you can enjoy living in the real world with your spouse.

5. Your Health

If your health is compromised, then you’re likely to find this affecting your relationships. For example, if your thyroid isn’t working right, you’ll very likely be tired a lot – possibly very tired. Vitamin B and Vitamin D deficiencies can also affect your energy levels.

Sleep deprivation is associated with memory issues and heightened emotionality. When you’re exhausted, you can’t fully enjoy your mate and family, which can lead to arguments and lack of enthusiasm. Therefore, it’s important to take care of your health.

6. Your Kids

We all love our kids! They provide some needed comic relief, making us laugh and feel tender no matter what else is going on. Let’s face it – we love our kids more than we love ourselves, and that’s probably hardwired by mother nature to ensure the species carries on.

But when you get to the point where all the two of you can talk and think about with each other is child care, school, play dates, and homework, it’s time to go out on a date with just the two of you. Nothing should be getting in the way of your relationship if you want it to last. By the way, the kids will enjoy you more if you’re happy with each other, too.

As you can see, none of these seems quite so dramatic as infidelity, spousal abuse, drug addiction, and all the other things you hear about in the media. Just keep a sense of balance in all the areas mentioned above, and you can be sure that keeping the marriage contented will be a lot easier.

Love,