Male Role Models: 8 Traits of Great Men

As a mother of boys and wife to a great husband, I am deeply bothered with how men are portrayed on TV,
especially in comedy shows.

Men are depicted as a bunch of doofs, bumbling idiots, and irresponsible, not as positive role models.

Furthermore, it seems these nincompoops can only function when a “wise woman” enters the scene and dictates what is needed.

And other media outlets like the news, magazines, movies, and the Internet don’t help dispel these portrayals.

Are these roles serving us?
Where are the men that my boys are supposed to emulate? Where are the John Waynes of today?

A few years back, there was an article in Esquire magazine that listed 66 men to emulate. The list primarily included politicians, athletes, actors, and creative types: men like Newt Gingrich, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Cann, Gandhi, Liam Neeson, Stephen King, Simon Cowell, Shaquille O’Neal, Josh Brolin, Keith Richards, and Patrick Swayze.

I love James Cann as an actor, but the man has had 4 short marriages and, at one time, questionable associations with drug runners. Esquire lists Josh Brolin, although he’s divorced and was arrested for domestic battery and public intoxication. Schwarzenegger had an ongoing affair with his housekeeper that resulted in a child out of wedlock. Newt Gingrich got cited for his political prowess, yet he was married 3 times and had an affair each time he moved on, not to mention the fact that he was the first Speaker of the House to have an ethics violation.

Seriously, Esquire? What did you use for your criteria of why we should emulate these men?

I admit that I’m not familiar will all of the guys on the list, but of the entire list the only ones that I totally agree with are Gandhi, Liam Neeson, and Patrick Swayze.

Esquire, what about guys like Tom Hanks, Bono, Jerry Orbach, Hugh Jackman, Pierce Brosnan, and John Glenn?

In contrast to the Esquire article, I read an article on the common traits of real men that really struck a positive chord with me. The article’s author, Frederick J Goodall, acknowledges the confusion young males face today in defining what it means to be a man in light of this dearth of good role models.

Here are Goodall’s 7 traits of real men (role models), which in part includes being a strong leader. I added my own to the list.

1. Integrity

A real man is willing to contribute to society in a positive way. He’s honest, but goes beyond simply telling the truth. He strives for moral excellence. He says what he means and means what he says, and not just because people are watching. In truth, he’s dependable, steady, and trustworthy, whether anyone’s watching him or not.

2. Humility

Real men understand that true strength doesn’t require a spotlight. They understand that letting someone else’s light shine is a demonstration of strength and confidence, which is a lot more endearing than open conceit. Besides, putting yourself on a pedestal can be painful when you fall off from time to time.

3. Confidence

Real men are confident, which is definitely not the same as arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference, and are self-assured and self-aware. They have faith in their abilities and knowledge – well-deserved faith. They earn trust by demonstrating their inner strength, and have no need to tear anyone down or take pot shots to build themselves up. Their presence inspires respect.

4. Compassion

Men who notice when someone else is hurting and strive to alleviate that pain are demonstrating compassion. Kindness and compassion are signs of inner strength, not weakness. They’re traits that make for awesome relationships and connections with the people around them. Real men often do service work and seek to make their communities and the world better places. Although the media would have you believe otherwise, most women fall deeply in love with compassionate men because they’re a joy to live around.

5. Self-Control

A virtuous and happy life starts with self-control. While we’ve seen many male celebrities and politicians ruined by temptations like money, sex, and/or drugs, most men are able to build good, normal lives for themselves by focusing on the kind of person they want to be and by refusing to get distracted. Even though temptations are everywhere, real men channel their energies into positive goals. Maybe their efforts are not recognized by sit-coms, but they’re genuinely appreciated by the families of real men.

6. Perseverance

Persevering requires real courage when obstacles and difficulties spring up. Instead of quitting and abandoning their families and responsibilities, real men exercise their self-control, hang in there, and rise to the challenges. They persevere until the obstacles make them stronger. No wonder a real man is so admired.

7. Bravery

Bravery is the courage to do what is right, even when it’s tempting to look the other way. It’s the willingness to take a stand and do good in the world, even if standing up means facing adversity. Passivity and escapism are the opposites of bravery.

8. Chivalry

I added this trait to Goodall’s list because real men live by a code of conduct that includes courtesy towards women in addition to the above qualities. A real man is respectful to women and doesn’t call them names or treat them as sex objects. Without mutual respect, a marriage is devoid of joy, contentment, and cooperation.

Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. Our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to embody them.

It’s no more tasteful to depict men as stooges as it was to depict women as bimbos, and I hope this fad passes soon.

It takes two whole people to enjoy each other’s company and build a sound relationship. And when they do, they contribute enormously to society.

We can do better. Let’s start by appreciating our own good qualities and the good qualities of our partners.

Now it’s your turn. Which trait(s) do you think is the most important, and who in your life modeled the behavior that you like?

Much love,