My Favorite T Word: Thankful

Whoop! Whoop! November is my favorite month. Mostly because it is the month when people make time to focus on thankfulness and gratitude. But also because it is my birthday month!

I have a serious – but also very simple – question for you.

Why are some people happy even when things are tough or they have been handed a bad deal?

Answer: It’s a matter of perspective.

When you have a lot of what you truly value, you have every reason to be thankful. When you stop and take stock of all your blessings, you cannot help but to then feel blessed.

My favorite trick to being happy is …

Giving thanks!

11 Ways to Grow Your Thankfulness Throughout the Year

1. Use the “5 to 1” rule.

Marriage researcher John Gottman has found that to have a happy marriage, we need five positive interactions for every negative one.

If you or your spouse has been out of sorts, tired, stressed, or sick, it’s easy for you to lapse into having negative interactions.

When times get tough, simply expressing thankfulness for your marriage counts as a positive experience. Expressing thankfulness to your mate directly, silently to yourself, or in prayer, all count.

2. Appreciate the quirks.

After a neighbor lost her husband to cancer recently, she told me she would love to have his little quirks back. It used to annoy her a great deal that long after the door was repaired and shut quite easily, he continued to slam it for years out of habit. Now, she would love to hear that slamming door again.

Does your mate have little quirks like that? Mine does 🙂 And I do too.

If you find a way to appreciate his loud entrances or other quirks because they tell you he’s alive and home, you’ll be more thankful overall.

3. Give thanks for the things you take for granted.

I have such reliable transportation I don’t think twice when turning the keys in my car. That wasn’t the case when I was younger, but I rarely think about that now.

Once a day, look around and start to see the things you simply take for granted. When you flip the switch, does the light come on? Does the dog remind you when it’s time for a walk? Do you have gas in your tank? Are your kids healthy? Do you have all your fingers and toes? There is always much more to appreciate than we think.

4. Thankfulness is about grace and mercy.

Sometimes, we forget about the biggest things. We gloss over the reality of grace and mercy. Think about those two words for a minute – aren’t they more important than a car that starts or a light that works? Yet, it’s very easy to get caught up in the temporal world and all our petty problems, and forget about the hugeness of the grace and mercy that infuses every moment of our lives.

It’s almost like our bodies are such small containers we can’t dwell on these huge blessings for very long.

“Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayer and petitions, along with giving thanks.”
– Philippians 4:6

5. What we focus on we attract more of.

If you’re thinking about how rotten your life is, you get to be right. Even if you’re not complaining out loud, grumbling to yourself about this one or that one or this circumstance or that circumstance is not going to lead you to happiness. It will just lead you to notice more of the things you hate to see.

Instead, be thankful! It will lead you to focus on what you want to see (and multiply it).

In the movie, The Color Purple, Shug Avery said that God didn’t like it when you walked through a field and failed to notice the color purple. If we notice the array of good that’s available to us, we’ll become more thankful and find even more things to appreciate.

In truth, gratitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It becomes a soothing habit, and you notice many more things to be grateful for.

6. Practicing thankfulness is contagious.

Have you ever been around a happy person when you were feeling sad or bad? Thankfulness and an appreciation for life are contagious, so let yourself forget your problems for a minute and be thankful you were sent an opportunity to cheer up.

7. Thankfulness strengthens marriages.

Be thankful for those little (or big) things your mate does that make your marriage stronger. By the same token, being thankful makes you a much easier person for him to be around. The quality of gratitude makes it easier for both of you to stay together.

8. Be a role model and create a positive world.

I tend to be a positive, optimistic person. I have friends who joke about me always being able to see things on the bright side. This is a great way to be because I’ve also been told others tend to feel more positive and optimistic when I’m around. I will take that!

I think this contributes to why we tend to see more things to be thankful for when we’re being thankful. Others reflect positive feelings back to us.

9. People who actively practice thankfulness report feeling happier and healthier.

We know intuitively that stress (anger, depression, resentment) can lead to ulcers and headaches. But science backs up this notion, also. For example, studies show having pets leads to health improvements for most people. The practice of appreciating another living creature and developing a relationship over time can help you enormously – whether it’s a plant, pet, or human. Also, research suggests people who report being happier may actually have less health problems.

10. You can’t be negative AND thankful at the same time.

Trust me, I know this. Years ago, when I had to have an MRI on my brain, I was overwhelmed. I was scared. At first, I could only think about a possible negative outcome. You know, the worst case scenarios.

To fill my mind with something positive instead of dwelling on the unknown and possibly very scary outcome, I practiced saying and thinking about things I was thankful for, and it kept my nerves in check. 

Try it. It is really not possible to think of the negative stuff AND the positive stuff at the same time. And the best part is that you get to choose!

11. Thankfulness builds bridges.

Thoughts can be somewhat like a broken record, replaying over and over. Are your thoughts a happy record of thankfulness or thoughts that are dragging you down? Thinking positively can also help build a bridge in your mind, if you are experiencing a rift with someone.

If you have any doubts about how helpful thankfulness can be in your life, ask yourself this question: Do I feel better when I’m complaining or thinking about everything that’s going wrong, or do I feel better when I’m enjoying and appreciating the good things in my life?  

If you’re like 99% of the other people in the world, the answer is obvious.

Is it bad to want to improve your life? Of course not. I’m just arguing the road to improvement is paved with the things you’re already thankful for.

What are you thankful for? Do you have a thankfulness practice? What would you add to the list? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Here’s to being more thankful every day of the year,