Divorce is one of life’s most difficult journeys. And yes, it is a journey.

It is a time marked by bouts of clarity and confusion, frequent ups and downs, and feelings of strength mixed with feelings of heartbreak. Even when divorce is clearly the right decision, the divorce process can leave you feeling exhausted, defeated, and adrift.

This is why excellent self-care isn’t optional and should be considered essential.

And if you are On Decision and unsure whether divorce is the best choice, that uncertainty can be its own heavy burden.

 

Liken your self-care to preparing for a long and unpredictable trip.

Before setting out, ideally you would gather provisions that will sustain you. Self-care is exactly that. It is how you supply your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual packs with the things that help you weather the storms and navigate the rough terrain ahead. While the  journey is unique for everyone, I have yet to meet anyone that didn’t feel like divorce depleted their reserves. 

 

Divorce (or even the contemplation of it) can stir up a flurry of emotions including grief, fear, guilt, shame, anger, relief, and even hope.

 

And these feelings can often fluctuate many times throughout the day. You might question yourself one moment and feel confident in the next. Asking questions like Am I doing the right thing? Can I handle this? What if I regret it? are natural. In fact, even people who are certain that divorce is necessary often find themselves second-guessing their choice in quiet moments.

For some, that questioning leads to wondering if maybe the marriage can be saved. And that’s okay too, Many couples who reach the brink of divorce eventually can rebuild, but it takes humility, courage, commitment and great personal growth. And here again excellent self-care is a lifeline. Self-care gives you the energy and strength needed to look at your situation honestly and to see what is working, what’s not, what got you to this point and whether restoration is truly possible.

 

So, what does self-care look like in this journey?

Ideally, it is both simple and also intentional. It may the luxurious care like a massage or the unglamorous stuff like dental cleanings, and a really good cry.

 

Consider the following areas towards excellent self-care.

 

Rest:
Divorce drains your reserves, so prioritize quiet time, sleep, and moments of stillness. This is your time to rejuvenate

Nourishment:
Eat and drink in ways that nourish and /support your well being. Avoid using food and drink to numb out. 

Movement:
Remember to move your body. Even simple stretches and walks can do wonders to curb depression and lethargy.

Support:
Surround yourself with safe people and wise counsel. Minimize interactions with people and circumstances that fuel drama, judgement and negativity. 

Set Limits:
Protect your energy. Say no to unnecessary battles, conversations or situations that leave you depleted and say yes to things that nurture and lift you up and bring you joy. 

Reflection and Renewal: 
Journal, pray, meditate, or talk with someone to stay connected to your values and get clarity on your feelings. Consider a new hobby or revisiting an old one to feed your creativity and connectedness.

 

Self-care doesn’t mean to try to erase or ignore the pain, but it does help give you stability in the storm. It helps you think more clearly, make grounded decisions, and avoid choices that result from fatigue or fear.

When you practice excellent self-care, you become better able to navigate the uncertainty and rough patches and more capable of creating peace, whether that’s within a restored relationship or a new beginning. 

So take care of yourself and do it with intention.

You are supplying yourself for a journey that will change you. Poor self-care at this time doesn’t help. Instead it serves to weaken you, intensify negative feelings, and leaves you feeling frayed and less able to cope. 

You are on a journey that will change you. With excellent self-care, this time can be one marked by greater clarity, strength, and hope. And besides, you are worth it.

Kindly,