Why I Don't Post More Online About My Marriage

Recently, I was having lunch with a long-time friend. I only see Karen a couple of times a year because she lives out of town. When she does come to town, we try to cram six months of updates, laughter, and tears into a single afternoon.

At our recent lunch, we were taking turns sharing what we’d been up to since the last time we connected. She exclaimed, “Wow, you’ve been busy!” Then, she said, “I follow you on social media, but I had no idea that you and Joel had been up to all this.”

You know, this got me to thinking. She’s right. I do not share a lot of stuff on social media, and it boils down to a handful of reasons why.

1. I’m often too busy to record the moment and share it.

I, admittedly, am NOT the photographer in the family. My husband is. But oftentimes, we’ll look back and say, “Shoot, we didn’t take any pictures of today [or the meal, or the event].”

Or, maybe, we took a pic as we were waiting in line to enter a concert. But then, we were so busy enjoying the moment and being present that we didn’t think about taking more pictures! Therefore, we don’t have any pictures to share of our time together. But we do have shared memories.

We were recently at a concert and the people in front of us were so busy taking pictures and retaking with a different smile and pose that they didn’t even interact with each other. I think I was captured in more of their pictures than ours!  🙂

2. I’m not seeking the approval of others.

I’m not looking for other people to validate that my Christmas present or birthday gift was great, or that we stayed in some cool bed and breakfast.

It doesn’t matter to me if people approve of our camping trips, amusement park visits, or time at a relative’s birthday party. What difference does it make whether people on Facebook get to see us enjoying each other’s company at a movie? We enjoy it anyway.

I guess I just don’t care that much.

(Hmm… does that mean I don’t have “star quality”? LOL)

3. I don’t believe in airing my dirty laundry.

I have friend who posts when she’s having a tiff with her friends, family members, or mate. She’ll post things like, “To the person that lives in [fill in the town], maybe if you were more patient, you would get what you wanted!” Or, she might post something like this: “If you love someone, then you should know to give then flowers on their birthday.”

Maybe these bits of advice are true. Probably. But, putting stuff like this on social media is all about getting support for your position, not about solving anything. It’s about calling someone out publicly, not making things better. And, it’s about wanting to be right more than wanting to be happy.  Nothing gets solved that way.

“So, if the hubby and I are having a disagreement, you won’t hear about it on social media from us.”

4. I have nothing to prove online.

Being happy is my goal. Being present with and for my husband is my method.

I do not have to post anything to prove that we’re happy. I don’t need to try to convince people we are the perfect couple or we have it all together. I don’t have to call out other people and give them (often unwanted) advice.

My focus is on what’s near and dear, and whatever I can do to make my marriage better.

To provide a great sense of connection for other women and myself, I host the INLOVE workshops in person, and there’s no public acclaim or attention required in those. There’s nothing like growing and developing as a group without the online “nosy neighbors” crashing the party. And, I’ve found that the “in-person” experience can be very satisfying and healing.

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It’s great to spend some time on social media, but research has found that happy people are often too busy enjoying themselves to waste time on social media. I didn’t adopt my habits because of research, but I find contentment on focusing on the here and now instead of wondering what my friends think about it.

What do you think? Are you a social media addict, or have you ever been? Are you able to have a life without checking in every 20 minutes? Also, what relationship do happiness and social media have? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Love (but not the FB button kind, haha),