Your Body Image And Its Impact On Your Marriage

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the roundest/boniest/ugliest/shortest/awkwardest/whateverest of them all? 

Harsh words, huh? I think they’re harsh too. But they are the things many women stand in front of their mirrors and tell themselves – or maybe even something harsher. We’re tough, mean, and ruthless critics of ourselves and our bodies. 

And many women have accepted a negative body image as their norm – just decided they’ll never be pretty enough or thin enough to feel good about themselves. But is this thought process harming anyone else? After all, viewing your body negatively only hurts you and no one else, right? 

Wrong.

If you’re married, a poor body image can be harming your spouse and marriage in multiple ways.

3 Ways Your Body Image Impacts Your Marriage

1. Your Sexual Intimacy

One of the great joys of marriage is sharing your body with your spouse. Unreserved, unashamed sexual intimacy. But those who struggle with their body image are most likely holding a part of themselves back in the bedroom. 

To add to that problem, when you think you don’t look good, you impose those same thoughts on your mate – you believe they view your body the way you do.  Many men report being frustrated by the way their wives view themselves. Ladies, you man still wants you. He is still physically attracted to you, but he can feel shut out by you when you don’t believe him and when you falsely convince yourself that he sees what you erroneously see.

You may weigh more than you used to. You may have stretch marks. You may think your body is flawed. But listen to me…he does NOT see you the way YOU see you. A good man will never fixate on those things. He sees his wife – the one woman he can call his own and share that glorious thing called sex with. Don’t deprive him (or yourself) of that intimacy in your marriage. As a matter of fact, the more you enjoy sex with him, the more sexy he’s going to find you and the sexier you’re going to feel.

2. Your Rejection of Your Spouse’s Kindness

When you believe you look bad, it’s hard to accept compliments or attention from your mate. You may deflect or reject his advances. If you do this long enough, he will stop trying. He will find it pointless to compliment you if you always argue with him about his flattery. If you hide your body from him because you believe it’s imperfect, then eventually, he will feel defeated and quit making the effort.

Let him speak love and truth to you. Let him give you looks of desire and bask in them! If he tells you how nice you look, don’t gripe about your weight or argue with him. Say thank you and appreciate his eyes for you. After all, he gets a better all around look at your than you do. He has a perspective advantage. As you accept his compliments or advances, he will surely dote on you more. What a lucky woman whose husband reminds her how beautiful he finds her!

3. Comparison & Jealousy

In a culture inundated with media images of perfect {photoshopped} women, it’s easy to compare our bodies to other women. This comparison lends itself to the rampant negative body images women struggle with. We size ourselves up against others and measure ourselves with an unfair and unrealistic ruler. 

Then, we take it a step further and become jealous of other women and what they look like. And when we become overly insecure and jealous of the women around us, we can drive our spouses batty. Jealousy can be a nasty creature and can cause us to act irrationally. Your man does not want to be on the chopping block every time a pretty girl comes on the television that you are comparing yourself to. 

An Additional Impact For Parents

The Message You Send Your Children

As a parent, we have a responsibility to set an example for your children. When we insult the way we look, we communicate to our children that this is okay. We inadvertently pass these habits and poor self images down to our kids. Our children usually don’t see the same flaws we think we see, so when mom or dad thinks something is wrong with themselves, our kids worry about what’s wrong with their own bodies too. 

Your kids are watching and listening. Teach them to be comfortable in their own skin and not to let their looks or what someone thinks of their looks (even their own thoughts) determine their worth or value or beauty.

Side note: If you’re struggling with your body image, ask yourself if it’s something you can control. You cannot control your height, so you must learn to live with it. You cannot control your genetics, so instead appreciate the family who passed that DNA to you. If you’re weight is your concern, learn to shift your thinking to wanting to be healthy rather than obsessing over being thin. Make healthy choices and you’ll feel proud of the changes you make through proper nutrition and exercise. No, you may never look like the models on TV, but guess what…they don’t either (thanks, photoshop for lying to us).

****

What impact have you seen body image make on your marriage or on a friend’s marriage? How do you contend with a negative body image?

Comfortable in my own skin,