10% Effort for a 50% Better Marriage

We all want improvements in our lives: better health, more money, successful marriage, happier days.

But we all have busy lives, and at times we feel we’ll never catch up. What to do?

Shhh… Here is a secret …

You know what? Big improvements come through small improvements.

There is Magic in the Small Stuff

I tell my clients that if they want a 50% better marriage, then they need to try a 10% percent improvement approach.

And then they want to know how, exactly, is that going to work?

Oh, ye, of little faith, I know that 10% does not equal 50%. But if you apply it to several areas, it does.

Trust me on this.

Seriously, it works!!

This is a process that many fitness coaches use that absolutely applies to creating a stronger and more successful marriage. In fact, many top-level achievers in other areas use this philosophy, too – people like top musicians, athletes, and others.

Fitness coaches say to eat 10% more greens, get 10% more exercise, avoid 10% more sugar, eat 10% less red meat, eat 10% more salmon, and you will see more than 50% results. Something interesting happens just by picking three areas to boost by 10%. It seems to have a more than 30% increase in desired results.

If you want a marriage that is 50% (or more) better, then taking several small steps is all that you need to do. 

 

Ten Small Investments That Pay Off Big in Your Marriage

Consider the suggestions below. As you read them, start picking out your favorites. Implementing just a few of them can return a big reward!

1. Practice being 10% more romantic towards and flirty with your mate.

This is so simple. You don’t want to turn into Romeo or Juliet overnight, but do some really small things like love notes, a heart on a fogged-up bathroom mirror, or give a thoughtful trinket.

A little wink from across the room, a flirty text or telling your mate how handsome he is makes your mate feel desirable.  And who doesn’t want to be desired?

2. Aim for 10% more sleep.

Did you know that most arguments happen on a day that folks say they didn’t get enough sleep? Sleep deprivation hurts relationships.

You might think you’re being brave when you tough it out and shortchange yourself on sleep. I know, a lot of us think that self-sacrifice proves our worthiness. But over the long haul, if you don’t take care of your sleep, you won’t be fun to live with.

3. Improve your health by 10%.

This could be something as simple as taking walks, eating a little healthier, cutting out some junk food, or taking vitamins. It might even seem selfish, on the surface, but this can help your marriage because you feel stronger and healthier.

When you’re feeling strong and healthy, you’re a lot less likely to take things personally. You’re more on your game, more resilient, and more likely to see the pain behind your mate’s complaints rather than react to anything annoying.

(Besides, you’ll feel better!)

4. Up your physical intimacy and make 10% more love.

Yep, I went there! Physical intimacy with our partner is known to release the bonding hormone oxytocin. Also, known as the cuddle hormone.

Let’s face it. We all like to feel comforted, loved, and appreciated. Physical intimacy is largely a language of its own, and is a great way to let your mate know that he or she is loved and appreciated. When you give out that positive energy, you can’t help but increase love and understanding. The oxytocin boost is just icing on the cake.

5. Have 10% more girl time.

Girl time is really important to most women. Guys are guys, and although we love them dearly, most men are not a good substitute for what we get from our girl time.

Similar to taking care of your sleep needs and your physical needs, taking care of your bonding needs with girlfriends has no substitute. As women, we can identify with each other and still appreciate our differences.

Variety is the spice of life, and that includes having a social circle outside your marriage. It’s essential to a healthy, growing marriage.

 

 

 

6. Strive for 10% better communication.

Improved communication comes in many forms: being a better listener; listening to understand rather than to reply; and removing distraction when communicating.

Don’t you feel most loved when you can communicate and be heard clearly? Whether your spouse is a big talker or the silent type, it is the quality of communication, not the abundance of words, that melds a relationship together.

7. Seek 10% more togetherness time.

Casual and quality time spent together makes you feel closer to your mate. It could be trying a new activity together, sitting to watch TV, gardening or doing things around the house. Invest just 10% more together time and you could see a big return.

8. Be 10% more appreciative.

They say that gratitude and appreciation of what you already have goes a long way toward improving your situation, no matter what it is. Your marriage is possibly the most obvious demonstration of that. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

If you focus on your mate’s good qualities, you’ll probably start seeing more of them. If you constantly focus on areas where your mate is lacking, you’re going to haunt yourself (and him or her) with constant thoughts of how inadequate your mate is. Bad thoughts about your mate can’t be a way to improve your marriage, and anyone can see the logic of that.

What we focus on, we amplify. So focus on the glass being half full, instead of half empty.

9. Shoot for 10% more patience.

I know. This sounds like a hard one. It can be easy to get frustrated and impatient with our mates. But you’re talking about a 50% improvement based on a 10% investment.

Let me break it down to a very easy level to understand. If your computer breaks in the middle of working on it, and you can’t get it fixed right away, you’re able to step back, evaluate, and take a different path. You might borrow another computer, go to a library and use another, or just take a walk around the block while your computer re-boots. Screaming and crying and carrying on just won’t fix your computer.

In a way, your mate is just like you are – a unique combination of genetics, imprinting, and God-given gifts. You can’t “change” your mate by losing your patience, but you can grow your own character by developing an ability to see the larger picture, even when things get frustrating.

When something goes wrong, first take a second to appreciate yourself. When you forgive yourself for having that first impulse to blame and attack and recognize your own human propensity to do so, it’s much easier to stop beating up on your mate (in whatever form you do it, either silently or in words). Don’t jump to conclusions about what’s going to happen; just allow the moment to pass, and remember that the two of you can get through just about anything.

 10. Pray with and for your mate 10% more.

This is so important that I wanted to put it last so it would be fresh in your mind when you’re done reading. Whether you’ve developed a ceremony of praying together or not, always remember your mate in prayer.

Even if you just touch your mate before he or she leaves for work and say, “Let’s pray real quick,” and offer a 30-second prayer for safety, remember that the family that prays together stays together. There’s nothing quite so rewarding as a spiritual bond that lasts a lifetime.

Bonus Tip: Invest 10% more time into learning how “wildly successful marriages” work.

 

Your happiness set point is important!

When you stop to think about it, all of your life is spent searching for happiness. The more you can find in your marriage, the better. Think of making these 10% improvements as adding to your happiness abundantly, making it very likely that you’ll be resilient and strong no matter what happens.

Your mate may not see the 10% adjustments here and there, but collectively, these improvements will be huge. Together, you’ll stave off the low times and enhance your mutual well-being.

What is your favorite area for “10 Percenting”? And what else would you add to the 10%? If you’ve been on this incremental improvement path for a while, what has worked for you?

Love,