20 Lessons I Learned From 2020

My birthday is in late November, and I have always loved that. Even when I was little, I used to love having a birthday in November – the colorful leaves, the cooler weather, hot cocoa (with lots and lots of marshmallows) and spiced cider. My mom used to make cookies that we could decorate. My job when I was really little was to make the criss cross pattern with the fork tines on the peanut butter cookies. But when fall came around, I got to help frost cookies and put sprinkles on them too.

Another thing I love to do in November is to take stock of the year. I look at my successes and my losses. I consider how well I used my time and even look at regrets. I take stock of these things and use them to grow and limit future regrets.

Normally I create a list of 12 things I have learned. But this year has given me ample opportunity to turn challenges into learning experiences. So, in keeping with my tradition (and being open to growth), here are 20 things I learned (and sometimes relearned) this year.

 

1. When things seem bad … it can get worse.  

Earlier this year people were encouraged to work together to flatten the (Covid) curve. I was touched by the way people worked together. But then as sequestration lingered on and business operation limitations became extended, it got worse for so many. I do not have littles at home any more, but many of my friends do. Seeing them grapple with home schooling and trying to work, as well as their own stress, struggles and concerns showed me it can get worse.

 

2. I, personally, don’t thrive without a creative outlet. 

We, as humans, can either create or destroy. Some people choose to destroy. Others choose to create. I prefer creating. I create with words, images, ideas, and questions. One way that I encourage my clients to create (rather than destroy) and to be curious is to ask questions. Why might someone else interpret this situation differently than I do? How might I (or they) not see the full picture? What in someone’s history or future plans leads them to this conclusion?

 

3. It is important to be there for people who are struggling. 

Being human means that when others are struggling or suffering, we step up for them. It can actually make you feel better too. Take an elderly neighbor a plate of food or pick up items from the grocery store, so she doesn’t have to go to the store. That is being a good human. Offer to babysit for the single mom who is trying to juggle work and kids. Wherever you have surplus  – time, energy, finances, groceries, toilet paper (only in 2020, right?) – help someone who may be lacking that resource at the time. You never know when the tables may turn and you will be the one in need too.

 

4. People deal with stress and uncertainty differently. 

Some withdraw and retreat. Some lash out. And still others fall back, regroup and forge a new path. All are understandable. By the way, to the toilet paper hoarders, I forgive you 😉  Hoarding toilet paper is a perfectly acceptable way for some people to reach for a sense of certainty. But so is sharing with others that are in need.

 

5. Smells can transport you in time.

When my folks passed away a couple of years ago, we used a lot of the lemon scented wipes to clean up areas. At the beginning of 2020, every time I smelled these lemon scented wipes, I was instantly saddened and transported in time. I found myself grieving the loss of my folks over and over – triggered by a smell.

 

6. Crisis will pull at a relationship. 

You can choose to let it pull you together or pull you apart. I have witnessed couples grow closer and stronger through 2020. I have also been witness to marriages stumbling and crumbling under the stress of 2020. And sadly, I have noticed friends and family members with deep divides due to political issues.

 

7. Crisis has a way of reminding one of goals, hopes, and dreams. 

One of the things that 2020 has reminded me is that we have no idea what tomorrow holds. And with that reminder it makes you think about what you want to accomplish with your life and what direction you want to head in. So the hubby and I have been working on a relationship book that we never seemed to have time for.

 

8. When you don’t spend 10 hours a week commuting, you can spend that time elsewhere. 

I have tackled little jobs that I have never seemed to have time for. Touching up some paint on the walls. And even doing a little bit of decluttering, like everyone else. When handed a gift of roughly an extra day a week, I have tried not to squander it. Number seven is part of that result.

 

9. Technology can be your friend and foe. 

And at this same time. Like many of you, I had to switch to using more and more technology. Sometimes technology was a lifesaver, allowing me to work with people from a distance. Other times, well, it left me frustrated, irritated and confused. Social media platforms were helpful in keeping me stay (somewhat) connected to friends. But at the same time, I had to take a break from all of the polarization too.

 

10. People do odd things on Zoom. 

This kind of goes along with number 9, but it deserved mentioning. You would never show up to a meeting the way some of us show up to Zooms. No judgement, I do it too. It’s just funny. And have you noticed how people wave at the end of Zoom meetings? You’ve literally never waved as you left a business meeting or 9am class, but you do on Zoom. Must be Zoom protocol now.

 

11. People take advantage of others in tough times.

Sadly, some people will scam or take advantage of the system. In California, several people were arrested for embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars through false unemployment claims. Sigh!

 

12. People don’t typically thrive being isolated and self care is paramount.

It is important to protect your mental health. The suicide rate is up. Drug usage is up. One statistic showed depression rates tripling this year. People are stress eating and missing gym time. I didn’t experience the Covid 15 (the 15 pounds that folks are claiming to have gained), but I did get the Covid 10, sigh. I am working to let it go now.

 

13. You can make a fashion statement in lots of ways.

I was doing some online Christmas shopping and I kept coming across unique masks – glitter ones, ones that make you look like a panting dog, ones that make political statements, ones that coordinate with certain outfits, ones that supported favorite sports teams, and so many more.  I actually saw one biz on social media who asked people to vote on their favorite ugly Christmas mask. I guess ugly Christmas sweaters are out this year.

 

14. It’s okay to not be okay.

I have come to really appreciate those who are willing and able to admit they aren’t okay. That’s the moment when doors can open to healing.  Sometimes in life (and in 2020), there have been things that just plained sucked. I do like to try to find the silver lining (I really do), but sometimes, things can just be plain ole rotten. Own it. Acknowledge it. Sit with it for a minute. And then, after you’ve done that, you can work on it.

 

15. Real heroes continue to be heroic.

Those who have a heart of gold and passion for service will still have that – even when faced with opposition. Health care workers and first responders continued to show up and protect us to the best of their abilities this year. Teachers have undertaken a new way of virtually educating their students.  Counselors are stretched to the max to help treat as many people as possible. We are shown once again that it’s not the ones on the front of the Wheaties box or at the Grammys or with the multi-million dollar contracts who are the real heroes.

 

16. The delivery driver has a name.

I cannot tell you the number of things I ordered online this year – grocery deliveries to ink for the printer to toilet paper. The delivery woman and I know each other by name now. Sometimes she was the only real life person I saw (through the glass door) except for the hubby. I left her some snacks one day. We’re besties now.

 

17. Margins are a good thing.

After a year of many being stretched thin, we see that margin is a really good thing. Margin is that wiggle room in your time, finances, and life where you have a little bit more than that you needed and therefore can afford (literally and figuratively) some deficit for a little bit. For example, many have come to appreciate that savings they put away after they’re jobs took a hit this year. Others are grateful for the other forms of protection and preparation they have built into their lives for use at times such as this.

 

18. Hugs are invaluable.

Never again will I take for granted the small and simple act of a hug. Human contact is more important than we ever knew, and now that it’s supposed to be limited, I realize how much I just want to give you each a hug. A hug communicates so much. It says, “I understand,” or “I’m here and I care.” I look forward to the day when I can freely give a hug without causing concern.

 

19. I make really good quesadillas.

Seriously! My young grandson was over and I asked if he wanted a snack. He said yes, and so I volunteered to make a quesadilla. He raved over it and said it was the best ever. Making quesadillas is apparently my superpower! Who knew? Pull up a chair, and I’ll make you one too 🙂

 

20. Tomorrow is not promised.

Yes, I’ve learned this before. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one or has faced a health scare (I’ve been through both) knows that the feeling of that realization. But, each time we lose someone, we are reminded that tomorrow is not promised to us. We recently lost a loved one (this one wasn’t Covid related), and we were reminded this all-too-painful lesson. Tell those you love how you feel for them, forgive others, let go of anger, embrace the good times, and make every day count.

No time and no hardship and no struggle is a waste if we learn and grow from it. While 2020 has most definitely been a unique year with unique obstacles, I am choosing to end the year having learned something new and grown from the experience. I can’t wait to see what 2021 has to teach me.

What about you? What have you learned in 2020? What lessons are you carrying away from the past year?

To Always Learning,