Are You a Proverbs 21 or Proverbs 31 Wife?

Remember when you were in school and had to compare and contrast books or other assigned reading? Maybe you were asked to compare Shakespeare’s Hamlet to Romeo & Juliet? You talked about what they had in common and how they were different. Well, consider this a Christian wife’s edition of compare and contrast: the Proverbs 31 Wife vs the Proverbs 21 Wife.

There are a bazillion articles on the web about the Proverbs 31 woman and how to live like one. You’ve probably heard some of the list of her many notable qualities, but if you’re unfamiliar with her attributes, read Proverbs 31:10-31. She’s no doubt hardworking, trustworthy, and a respectable wife and community member.

On the other hand, you may not be as familiar with the Proverbs 21 wife. There are not as many verses about her, but to be honest, the few given are enough to see that something is wrong. Her attributes are a little (okay a lot) less respectable. Check these out:

“It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.” – Proverbs 21:19

Ouch!! It’s pretty dry and miserably hot in the desert. But, I bet the thirst in the desert is not as bad as the thirst for affection this woman withholds. The desert sun probably doesn’t burn as bad as her insults either. Proverbs 27:15 elaborates on this verse by saying “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.” Images of Chinese water torture come to mind when I read this.

Here another one:

“It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” – Proverbs 21:9

This verse is repeated verbatim in Proverbs 25:24 in case we missed the warning. I think of the attic as a place to store away old items. A place that collects spider webs and dust and where things are rarely messed with. This imagery is not one of love and growth or warmth and fulfillment.

So in what ways do the Proverbs 31 and 31 women differ? And if you were being honest, which wife would your husband say you are more like?

How the Proverbs 31 Wife Differs from the Proverbs 21 Wife

Her Focus

The Proverbs 31 wife has her priorities in order. Her focus is on completing the day’s tasks and tending to her business both inside and outside of the home.  However, the Proverbs 21 wife has lost sight of what’s truly important. Her focus has shifted and is set on being “right” rather than being happy. She argues and nags in an effort to get her way because she’s certain her way must be the right way. Lady 21 can learn from Lady 31 to keep her eyes on the eternal prize. With that in sight, earthly tasks will take on a new meaning.

Her Motivation

Everything the Proverbs 31 wife does stems from what we know about her in verse 30 – she is a woman who fears the Lord. As a woman with faith in the Lord and a willingness to submit to Him, she is motivated to respect and submit to her husband as well. She desires to follow biblical commands and is obedient to them. The Proverbs 21 wife is motivated by pride and insecurity. Her need to be “right” or to rule over her husband is a symptom of her misguided heart.

Her Words

Plain and simple, one wife’s tongue brings life and the other brings decay. The 31 wife “speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (verse 26). Her words build up her husband and set him up for success. She chooses her words carefully and speaks them from a faithful and loving heart. The 21 wife does something quite different. Her choice of words is foolish and drives a wedge in her marriage. Her words push her husband away and tear him down. They are harsh and critical. No wonder verses 9 and 19 say that being in an attic or desert are more appealing than being a room with her.

Her Husband

A wife’s actions and words toward her husband have a greater impact than she knows. The husband of our 31 wife is proud of his wife. He is respected by the community because his own wife respects him. He looks forward to going home to her each day, and counts his union with her as a blessing. The same cannot be said for the husband of the 21 wife. The bible says he is better off alone. Ouch!

Her husband does not look forward to coming home. And why would he if she is there waiting for him – guns hot?

Her Productivity

One of these ladies accomplishes a great deal for her family, and one does not. Not just monetarily, but in familial bond and growth. The Proverbs 31 wife – through her kind and caring nature – betters the lives of her family and others. She produces good fruit (literally and figuratively). Much to the opposite, what does the Proverbs 21 wife really accomplish? Even if her nagging and complaining bring about completed tasks, what does anyone gain? Nothing. She produces a sour relationship and a home of discord.

So, which wife are you? Do you build up your mate or tear him down? Are you motivated by love or by being right?

Thoughts to ponder…