Sadly, nearly half of all marriages do more than just think about it; they actually do divorce.
In a society where divorce is so common, what can we do to guard our marriages? The same thing we do to guard everything else precious to us; call on God’s Word for wisdom. After all, God instituted marriage, and He certainly gave us some guidance in scripture. Here are 10 scriptural truths that help guide and strengthen marriages.
1. Let no one put asunder.
There are many reasons for divorce, but two of the reoccurring reasons are: a) cheating (emotionally and physically) and b) money issues. This is why Mark 10:9 is so valuable to a marriage.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
– Mark 10:9
Nothing should separate your marriage. Cherish it, value it, treat it as the ever precious gift that it is. Guard it from outside damage and guard it from internal damage. The verse says let no one separate, and that includes not you and not your spouse.
Objects like money should not divide marriages either. Money problems could range from unhealthy spending, drowning in debt, or disagreements over how it should be managed. The Bible speaks more than 2000 times about money. God knew it’d be an issue for you, so He says quite a bit about it. To put a few plainly: Don’t make it an idol; Don’t owe anyone money; Manage it well (Exodus 23:3, Romans 13:8, Proverbs 27:23). If we obey God’s principles of money, we can eliminate the stress it places on a marriage.
2. Naked and without shame.
“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
– Genesis 2:25
What is a naked marriage? Do you have a naked marriage? By ‘naked,’ it is clear is that Adam and Eve were not clothed. Before you blush at the idea of being ‘naked’ before your spouse, understand that this vulnerability goes beyond the physical. Nakedness related to emotional and spiritual matters. Being open, honest and emotionally vulnerable with your mate is important to creating a strong marriage.
The second part of this scripture is they felt no shame. Is your body image hurting you marriage? Do you feel overweight or disproportioned and therefore are self conscious about sharing your body with your husband? Adam and Eve had no one to compare themselves to. There was no shame in their nakedness with each other. Are you comparing your body to what a magazine says is ideal or maybe comparing to other women?
In the garden, Eve was deceived by Satan (in the form of the serpent) and as a result shame entered the picture (see Genesis 3). It may not be a serpent these days, but Satan still deceives wives and inflicts bodily shame. He uses flashy and photo shopped images on magazines, television and other forms of media, as well as those around us, to convince us that our bodies don’t (literally) measure up. We need to recognize the enemy’s attacks and rebuke them.
3. Do not deprive each other.
One of the most important things in a marriage is the intimate relationship that a husband and wife share. Physical intimacy can bond a couple in ways that nothing else can. Paul shares many verses on sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife.
“Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:2
“Do not deprive each other.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:5
Did you know that when two people have sex, their bodies release a hormone called oxytocin that helps bond their relationship? It’s called the ‘bonding hormone’ and is the same one released by a nursing mother to bond her with her newborn child. Before you start blushing too much over this one (remember…no shame!), sexual enjoyment is a gift from God! The Almighty Creator designed sex to create offspring but also as a means of creating a deeper bond in marriages.
4. Above all.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
– 1 Peter 4:8
I have this scripture above the doorway to our joint home office. I think this might be the most important verse for a marriage. A marriage is made up of two flawed people that have and will sin. Each partner in a marriage will make countless mistakes. They will fail their partner many times. They will say and do things that hurt each other. But if there is deep love, it can overcome mistakes and faults.
Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 13 (frequently referred to as the Love Chapter) when he tells that love is patient, that love keeps no record of wrongs, and that love hopes. In all relationships we are to love without hesitation, forgive one another, and believe the best about one another.
5. Be humble and gentle.
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
– Ephesians 4:2-3
Humble, patient, gentle…these are necessary qualities for a successful marriage. Humility requires you elevate others and their needs rather than elevating self. When each spouse acts in humility by elevating the other, the needs of both spouses will be met. Patience requires being slow to anger and not being easily irritated. Don’t let the day to day grind make you grouchy in your most important earthly relationship.
Make every effort…through the bond of peace. Striving for a healthy peace in a marriage should be a goal. Healthy peace is peace based on love, respect, and desire to understand and be understood. It is not based on fear.
6. Be kind.
Probably the best advice a couple could get:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
– Ephesians 4:32
Being kind, compassionate and forgiving are critical to a successful marriage. Again a marriage is made up of two sinners that will fail each other repeatedly. Therefore every good marriage is made up of two people that need to perpetually forgive their partner. If you love your partner, then being kind and tenderhearted should be a given.
I previously referenced 1 Corinthians 13. Verse 4 shares that “love is kind.” In this verse, being kind isn’t just about being nice and all that warm, fuzzy feeling stuff. The Greek word Paul uses here for “kind” translates as being useful and finding ways to render useful service to others. Kindness is patience in action! Love shows up in kindness when you seek out opportunities to meet someone’s needs without expecting anything in return.
7. Submit to one another.
To say the least, submission is a controversial topic in Christian and secular circles. Some people basically consider submission a 10 letter cuss word. But let’s take a closer look.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
– Ephesians 5:21
The command to submit is given to both men and women. To submit means to acknowledge, surrender and defer. And reverence? What does reverence mean? It means having a deep respect, admiration, awe and devotion. Ladies, submitting to your husband means that you place the needs of your marriage above your own individual needs so that your marriage may thrive. It’s yielding to him rather than demanding our own way. And we are to do this willingly and not begrudgingly.
8. Love your wife.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
– Ephesians 5:25
For husbands this is probably the most challenging verse to follow. Though challenging, it’s also the most transforming. Loving a wife just as Christ loved the church sets the bar pretty high.
As a wife, I can honestly say that sometimes I am not all that lovable. Yet, scripture commands that the hubby needs to love me nonetheless. This scripture does not give me permission to be difficult, but it does call for a devotion to the wife that parallels Christ’s devotion to the church. Ladies, aren’t we happy to submit to a man that loves us like THAT?!?
Ephesians 5:21 and Ephesians 5:25 are books ends to each other. A directive for the wife to submit and directive to the husband to love.
The next two scriptures are about how husbands and wives unravel their marriages.
9. Adultery destroys.
“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.”
– Proverbs 6:32
This verse says that a man the commits adultery hurts the one cheated on and hurts the cheater as well. Research in the early 90’s found that as many as an estimated 70% of people had cheated on their mate.
While percentage this is typically lower in Christian marriages, the rate is still significant.
No one is immune to temptation, but we ALL have the ability to flee from it. Guard your marriage from others by deciding on appropriate guardrails for your marriage and implementing them. An example that we’ve implemented in our marriage includes never riding alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex. Yes, a car ride may be harmless, but if you give Satan an inch to work with, he will run with it for a mile. Perhaps have an ‘open media’ policy with your spouse where you share your passwords to your phones, emails, and social media accounts. Just knowing that someone has access to these accounts makes you think twice about what you do with them and how you talk with other genders.
It’s not jealousy or paranoia to ask for guardrails on your marriage. Rather, it’s wise. And ladies, guardrails include protecting your emotions. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts because it leads our steps and Jeremiah 17:9 calls the heart a deceiver. Many women (and men) are led astray by their emotions, so guard them. This includes settling our differences in private.
10. Foolishness tears down.
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
– Proverbs 14:1
There are many ways that a woman can tear down her house. She can put her career or children before her husband and marriage. She can be critical and disrespectful of her husband. She can constantly compare her life to others.
In Proverbs 14:1 Solomon compares the wise and the foolish wife and builds up to the virtuous woman (Proverbs 31). Proverbs 14:1 ask you to be an asset and not a liability. An asset wife fortifies her marriage and builds her husband up. An asset wife brings out the best in her husband. The asset wife makes her home a refuge for her husband and family. She believes in him and encourages him. She is the co-pilot to his piloting.
***
Just as we long to see the marriages of our children succeed, God desires to see your marriage thrive also. Let’s take these commands and wisdom and implement them into each of our marriages. I know that God will honor that for me and for you!
With Love,
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