Have you seen the TV show called “Hoarders”?
I don’t routinely watch the show, but I have seen snippets of a few episodes. It’s a show about people holding onto possessions they really have no use for, but not just the average person that needs a little decluttering in their home. Rather, these folks are holding on to old packaging, several years’ (some even decade’s) worth of mail, spoiled or out-of-date food, and in one case, the woman was actually storing her human waste.
Honestly, it hurts my heart and deeply saddens me to watch.
These hoarders are holding on to items most people would call junk and consider an impediment to good living. They pile their hoarded stuff high and deep. It is restrictive, in the way, and always creates a safety hazard. In some situations, the hazardous items are piled so high and deep that the hoarder has restricted access to the bathroom, the bedroom, walking down the hall, or even sleeping on their own bed.
The show reveals to the viewer the cause of the hoarding in each specific case, which is nearly always something traumatic that happened to the hoarder. The usual suspects are the loss of a loved one or marriage. They can cause the hoarder to go into overdrive. The hoarder perceives a compelling need to hang on to the possessions, which is why it’s so difficult to part with them.
And while most people agree this kind of hoarding is not healthy, people often unknowingly do the same thing. But instead of physical objects, they hoard emotions.
Hoarding Negative Emotions
Much like the hoarders we see on TV, an emotional hoarder usually doesn’t realize how bad it is until help arrives.
Remember, hoarding involves holding on to stuff that doesn’t fit, is outdated, spoiled, broken, and restrictive. Emotional hoarding can be a similarly restrictive affliction. Holding on to emotions and feelings can clog up our lives and make it nearly impossible to move forward. Old, sour, and spoiled emotions are no longer useful to us, yet we still hold on to them.
In each episode of “Hoarders”, someone comes in and helps the hoarder purge and start to heal these emotional wounds. It takes time, there are tears, and most certainly, the hoarder is resistant.
In real life, emotional hoarders are not recognized as easily as a physical hoarder — unless you know what to look for, that is. They may not be physical hoarders, rather they harbor feelings like anger, shame, guilt, abandonment, and fear. These feelings are spoiled because they are out of date and festering in the heart.
People who have temper problems are usually hoarding bitterness, anger, and resentment, which can’t help but ooze out. Promiscuous people are likely hoarding feelings of unworthiness or abandonment. Folks who are hoarding sadness may experience anxiety or lash out without even understanding why. People dealing with losses from long ago may have a habit of avoiding emotions, vulnerability, and deep connections with others.
Hoarding, or holding on to stale emotions, takes its toll. We may be holding on to these outdated emotions in an attempt to protect ourselves and to create a feeling of safety, but much like the hoarders you would see in the TV series, the opposite is true. Holding on to the old, negative emotions can ruin your joy for life.
The reason these emotional attachments to past wounds are so persistent is that, like the physical hoarder, it seems important to keep them. And, just like the physical hoarder, it can feel deeply distressing when going through the process of purging. It is much like an addiction. So, emotional hoarders can carry around shame, guilt, grief, resentment, and disappointment for months, years, and even decades.
Clean Out The Emotional Closet
Are you hoarding some destructive emotion? Are you packing it away deep inside thinking no one will know and therefore, no one will tell you to “clean out the junk?”
It’s time to let the old pass away. Time to allow the new to come. It’s time to take out the trash. It’s time to let go of the things that no longer fit and make room for something better.
Much like the physical hoarders from the show need to first address the underlying problem and then purge the outward mess to make room for people, emotional hoarders can be purged of negative, life-sucking feelings if they’re willing to confront the cause.
It isn’t easy (tackling our emotions never is). But it will free up the space in your heart and allow you to navigate the halls in life more freely and with more room for healthy relationships.
Read the companion article Steps to Recover from Emotional Hoarding.
Happy (and Healthy) Purging,
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