What Will Your Legacy Be?

Recently, we went to a memorial service for a family member, Sheila. She was a matriarch for a branch of our family tree, and like most memorial services these days, there was a video chronicling her life. In this case, the video was set to her favorite opera music.  There was also time for folks to share their favorite memories of this special lady.

As I watched the video, I was reminded of, and moved by, Sheila’s ever-present smile. Everyone who knew her will tell you that she was always smiling and laughing. And, she was BIG on family, too.

Sheila attended birthdays of her great grandchildren even if she lived hours away. She cut the umbilical cords for her grandchildren and encouraged family gatherings, even when there was discord between relatives.

As a young woman, she moved from the Midwest to California, got married, and had two children. She later divorced her husband at a time when divorce was heavily frowned upon, which took some courage and determination to live a happy life. She went on to remarry, have more children, and share 55 happy years with her husband, Allen, until he passed away. She went on to live to 97 years old.

Not a bad run, I would say.

Attendees of the memorial shared many memories. Some memories made us laugh, and others brought out the tears. The way she carried herself; her laughter; her dedication to her family; her zest for life and love of Hawaii: these were recurring themes as people fondly poured out their feelings about our loved one.

It was clear that she had touched many, many lives in her nearly 100 years. She did not cure cancer, hold a political office, or run a dot com company, but she clearly had so much value for everyone she knew!

So, at times like this, is it natural to review our own lives? Is it natural to reflect and ask ourselves some important questions?

I know it was for me.

Some of the questions I asked myself were:

• What smells and comforts do you hope will forever remind them of you?

The smell of my homemade potato soup will undoubtedly be one of them, because it was a comfort food staple in our house. One year, I even overnighted a big batch to my son, who was out of state on his birthday! It’s a tradition and recipe that I hope will be passed down for generations.

• What about favorite activities that will always stay in their hearts?

My kids and I built giant forts in the living room and often had sock wars.

• What will they remember as your favorite quote or saying? What was your best piece of advice?

Don’t be too willing to give up your own personal power or the time to think things over before you act. The delay may save you a lot of heartache.

• What will they say is your best character trait?

I hope they remember me as patient, loving, and fun.

You may be asking yourself, “What do I want people to say at my memorial service? What will my legacy be? What value do I bring to my loved ones? And the world? Who will want to make the trek to my service?”

I realize that these are difficult questions to answer. They are for me, too. Thinking about your own mortality is not easy, but if the questions are difficult because you’re afraid that you won’t have a legacy, then maybe it’s time for you to write one (or perhaps PRE-write it).

I encourage you to ask these questions. More specifically, apply these questions to your immediate family and especially to your mate:

• What do you want your mate to say about you at your funeral?
• What do you think will be their favorite memory?
• What will they say is your best character trait?
• What song(s) would you like to be played in your honor?
• What smells, comforts, and activities do you hope will forever remind them of you?
• What will they remember as your favorite quote or saying? What was your best piece of advice?

Regardless of the challenge, understanding and accepting the passing of another (and your own at some point) is part of life. How much easier will it be if we can make peace with it? Although my family and I were tremendously saddened at the passing of our dear Sheila, she gave us a model of a life lived well. What an opportunity for us to look at our own lives while we still have time left to create a legacy. Hopefully it will include joy, giving, and loving.

How have your loved ones affected your life, and how do you hope your life will uplift your friends, family, and acquaintances?

Love,