What is Your Mode of Communication?

The average human brain is required to process an incredible amount of information on a daily basis.

This information is gathered through the use of the five physical senses: sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell. These senses form three channels of communication: visual (sight), auditory (hearing), and kinesthetic (touch-taste-smell).

While we may use all three to receive data, most of us develop a predominant channel. Understanding and recognizing these three modes of perception can mean the difference between talking to someone, and communicating with them.

Your Main Mode of Perception

You may or may not be aware of your preferred mode of perception. Try the following exercise:

1. Close your eyes and think of a location that is very familiar to you, e.g., your front door.  Pay attention to the details immediately and easily recalled.
2. If sounds of the doorbell, click of the deadbolt, or squeaking hinges come to mind first, rather than colors or touching it, you are probably auditory. If the scratches on the keyhole or colors of the door and borders are what pops up quickly, you are most likely visual. Those of you who are kinesthetic might remember the coldness of the doorknob, the draft in the foyer, or that the key needs to be jiggled a certain way to unlock it.

There are additional clues which may assist you in detecting the main mode perception not only in yourself, but others as well. Each mode tends to have common characteristics.

Auditory people tend to speak more rhythmically, and use phrases such as, “That’s a sound idea,” “That rings true,” “Let’s hear it,” and “Let’s talk about it.”

A visual person may speak quickly, and use expressions such as, “Picture this,” “Is that clear?” “Let’s take a look at the situation,” and “Do you see what I’m saying?”

The predominately kinesthetic person may tend to speak more slowly, and reference “handling things,” “getting in touch with,” or “grasping the situation.”

Another indicator of a person’s primary perception mode is posture. Visual people are more likely to sit erect. Comfort is usually important to kinesthetic types, so they may slouch or use a footstool. Those that favor the auditory mode may tend to sit with their chin resting on their hand, seemingly intent on something, or turn their head slightly, cocking their ear, as if to focus their hearing.

Not everyone favors a single mode of perception. Some people may use two or, rarely, all three almost equally. In those cases, it can be more difficult to determine which modes they use the most, but, then, it is less important.

Understanding Other’s Main Modes

The ability to understand another person’s main mode of perception can be very beneficial.

For example, when dealing with an auditory person, it might be wise to give them verbal (or easy to read) directions as opposed to a map. Or if you want your mate to pick up something from the store and they are very visual, it might be best to show them a picture of what you want rather than tell them. As well, during a difficult conversation, a visual partner would likely want you to maintain good eye contact, and the kinesthetic partner will be more receptive to concerns and feedback if they are physically comfortable.

This awareness can also help you understand you partner’s sensitivity or hyper awareness to things.

To the kinesthetic, an auditory partner may seem hypersensitive to the sound of feet shuffling or household noises. Clutter may grate on a visual partner in ways that a non-visual partner cannot fathom. An auditory person may not be able to fully concentrate on an important conversation if there is background noise like the TV or a barking dog that serves as a distraction.

Once I encouraged a highly kinesthetic woman to change her clothes into something very comfortable before her and her husband have important discussions and to sit in her favorite chair. She was surprised at the difference it made.

Keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule. But understanding and flowing with your mate’s mode of perception can go a loooooong way towards a happy home and better communication.

Happy communicating!