My Favorite V Word: And How Important it is to Your Marriage

I bet I know what you’re thinking… 

…that my favorite V word is probably Victory! 

Guess again. 

While I think that “victory” is a great word, it’s definitely not my favorite V word when it comes to marriages!

My favorite V word is actually VALUE. 

Not as in, “I got a great bargain,” but as in something valuable, something that has value for you, something that you appreciate.

There are two ways to look at this kind of value in a marriage: 1) The value that you offer to your mate and 2) The value that your mate offers to you. 

Recently, I asked some workshop attendees what value their mates have. I encouraged the participants to notice the little things and share how it makes them feel to notice them. The little things really do add up to big value, and too often, people think about only the large things.

I would argue that the biggest value often comes in a multitude of little things.

Here are a few responses I got to the question, “What little things of value does your mate provide?” 

• I am working and going to school. In the evenings, my husband gets the kids ready for bed and tucks them in so that I can unwind or do homework. It makes me feel like he believes in me and that my dreams are important.
• When I need to work late, my hubby will fix dinner. It makes me feel like he has my back and that it isn’t always my responsibility to do the cooking in our house.
• My husband puts gas in my car while I am doing my Sunday prep for the upcoming week. It makes me feel feminine and taken care of.
• My husband encourages me to spend time with my friends when I feel stressed. It makes me feel understood, because he’s had to learn that what I get from time spent with my girlfriends is not the same as time spent with him. Early on, he used to get jealous of time I spent with girlfriends instead of him. So, for him to encourage girlfriend time really means a lot to me.
• My husband takes our dog in for shots and grooming. Sasha is really more my dog, but he knows that I hate the vet’s office, so he does it without me having to ask or remind him. It makes me feel understood, and I appreciate that he never teases me about my fear of the vet’s office or tells me to get over my fear. I just realized that it makes me feel safe.
• My husband always remembers our anniversary and my birthday without having to be reminded. I have friends that complain that their husbands never remember important dates. My husband remembers these dates and it really makes me feel special and that our relationship is important to him.

When I asked if anyone wanted to share their little things, a couple of ladies piped up and were noticeably emotional when sharing what they valued about their mates. 

I SO, SO, SO love that the ladies picked everyday kinds of topics to notice. Nothing too challenging, but most certainly valuable to them.

The second part of this workshop exercise was to get real about letting our mates know that we value and appreciate the things they do. 

I asked attendees if their mates knew about these little things that meant so much to them and why. Everyone agreed that they hadn’t communicated to their mates just how much these little things meant. 

I had a bunch of blank inside thank you cards ready, and the attendees, myself included, took a few minutes and wrote a short note to their hubbies telling them about one little thing they valued about them. As the words began to flow, so did the tears for many of the ladies.

Too often, we spend our time looking for the things that are undone or in need of doing or fixing; and we gloss over the things that are going well and right.

So I challenge you, the reader, to find at least 10 LITTLE things that your mate does that brings value to you and your relationship. And then, let your mate know about the value that these little things bring.  Get 10 cards that are blank inside, and for 10 days share one of these LITTLE things that bring BIG value.

Do you ever slip into undervaluing your mate and the things, little or big, that your mate does for you? I know that I sometimes do. The simple exercise above can help put the little things into perspective. 

And, who knows? Maybe letting your mate know how much you value these little things will lead to more of these little, but very valuable, things.

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What little things do you value about your mate? Are you willing to get real about letting your mate know?

Love Always,