How Your Marriage is Like a Fine Bottle of Wine

Recently, some girlfriends and I got together and went on a tour of a local winery, complete with an educational guided tour and a visit to the wine cold room.

As we were being escorted around the premises, I was struck by how the grapes have to undergo a complicated, transformational process to emerge as a fine bottle of vino.

The grapes are plucked, pressed and fermented. Then they sit and wait…. and wait…. and wait…. in barrels, while the winemakers hope that they have the right character and aroma and that they don’t pick up any contamination
along the way.

I learned some surprising things about wine that day.

Wine picks up the taste of the barrel it’s stored in. Depending on the type of wine being made, it could be stored and fermented in barrels costing thousands of dollars and shipped in from France. The wood and craftsmanship are vital to producing good wine.

Most importantly, I learned that the flavor and color of the wine primarily come from the grape’s skin.

If the grapes are big and juicy, that’s not so great. Ideally, you want smaller grapes – more skin and less flesh per grape – to make the best wines.

Interestingly, one of the best ways to get smaller berries is by growing them in soil that is poor in nutrients. When the grape vine gets stressed and its growth is stunted, the best wines are made.

“Why the winemaking lesson, Kimberly?”

Well, a sommelier (really smart wine person) I am not! But, it occurred to me that wine and people are somewhat alike. Some of the greatest people have been planted in nutrient-poor soil and have felt stunted. They have undergone plucking, pressing, and long periods of waiting to be recognized for their character and flavor.

Are you a wine grape that was planted in poor soil and waiting to be turned into a rich bouquet of wine? Maybe if you were planted in rocky, nutrient-poor soil and have been waiting a long time to come into your own, you are just a fine wine in training.

What about your marriage?

The best wine does not come from rich and fertile soil, and often, neither do the best marriages.

Marriages that have experienced “wine grape conditions” can be some of the absolute best. Individuals and couples that have endured rocky terrain, poor circumstances, and long periods of plucking, pressing, and waiting have surfaced to become world-class specimens.

These couples embrace the rough start and bad circumstances and chalk it up to valuable experience.  Heck it might even be considered a blessing.

They are aware not of weakness, but rather of a process that got them to the summit. The memories of a difficult past remind them of how far they’ve come.

It must be noted, however, that these conditions have also been known to produce some of the worst couplings.

As wine sits in the barrels, it is carefully and lovingly monitored. Samples are taken at intervals and things like sulfur, phosphorous, and other nutrients may need to be added or adjusted along the way.

What if the winemaker did not test the wine at intervals and wisely judge the necessary nutrients?

What if, instead, the winemaker gave up and threw out the wine before it was done, or simply neglected it?

Many couples do just this. They don’t assess the relationship regularly.  They don’t take the time to analyze and add in the needed ingredients. And sometimes, the relationship is simply thrown out when it only needed a little nutrition.

Luckily, you are not a wine grape. And fortunately, your relationship is not a bottle of wine.

Your relationship is not in the hands of somebody else. However, it does need regular checkups and infusions of nutrients.

Instead of sulfur, phosphorous, yeast, and oxygen, your relationship needs trust, intimacy, commitment, and attention.

I am off now, to have a glass of wine with the hubby.

Cheers,