Writing Your Family Mission Statement

Remember back in math class (if you didn’t purposefully shut that memory out) when your teacher cared just as much about how you got your answer as he/she did about the actual answer? It wasn’t enough to tell your instructor that you “did it in your head.” They wanted to follow the steps and thought process that helped you arrive at your final answer. At the risk of sounding like old Mrs. Crabtree with her well-sharpened pencil and wooden ruler, I want to talk about the “how” of writing a family mission statement. Knowing that you want to write a family mission statement (insert link to other blog) is one thing (though I say “yay” for wanting to), but actually deciding what should be in your family mission statement and writing it can seem to be quite overwhelming. There may be so much your family wants to say about who you are and what you stand for. To guide you in doing so, here are a few tips that will help you with the “how” of writing a meaningful family mission statement.

The Process You Use to Get to Your Family Mission is as Important as the Statement Itself

All too often when writing a family mission statement people get all tied up in achieving the end goal and sometimes forget the process used to achieve that family mission statement is as important as the statement itself. The process you use can offer your family the opportunity for deep, meaningful conversations in which every member of the family can take part and feel they have something to contribute. After all, it’s a whole family mission statement – not parent mission statement or partial family mission statement.

Discussing your values and principles as a family will encourage your children to start thinking about these values and principles, as well as how they can apply to their daily life.

(And woo-hoo for the opportunity to get your kids thinking about these things.) Think about it – you’ll be laying the foundation for how your kids may choose to one day raise your grandkids!

Call A Special Family Meeting

You want to make the process of creating your family mission statement special. Making a bid to-do of it will underline how important this event is. So whether you are starting your family mission statement as a couple or as a completed family, you want to make the meeting different and special from other family meetings.

Use your imagination on how to create that special atmosphere. You can choose to go on a weekend away and then set aside some time for the meeting. Or you can have a special dinner after which you begin your family mission statement discussion or do something else that your family will find special.  Make prior plans and it’ll create excitement for your family.

But, don’t make your family mission statement meeting a marathon. It is much better to have several short meetings than one long, drawn out meeting. Consider your small child’s attention span or the time of day you are meeting as a couple. You want to hold this meeting (or series of short meetings) while everyone is in a good frame of mind – not when they’re exhausted or distracted. (My best values don’t show easily when I’m overly hungry or tired.)

Simple Rules for Making those Family Mission Statement Conversations Go Smoothly

1. Make Sure Everyone Has a Say.
If you have a family member that is quieter you may need to ask specific questions to get them to join into the conversation, but it is important for everyone to feel as though their point of view was presented. Yes, four-year-old Susie has a point of view too.

2. Listen, Really Listen, to One Another.
Listen to what each other has to say in an empathetic way without making any type of judgment. If you have kids, tell your them ahead of time that you expect them to listen to their siblings as they share. It’s important that each voice is heard and respected.

3. Don’t Rush the Process.
Take whatever time is needed for each member of the family to feel that they are heard and understood. Some members may need time to think before sharing, so don’t force a quick answer out of them.

Start By Defining Your Family’s Core Values

You should start your discussion by defining your family’s core values. Don’t state values that you think should be important to your family, but rather those that actually are really important to your family. For example: while adventure may be critically important to one family, security may be more important to another.

Write down all the core values that your family feels are important.

Some Questions You May Want to Ask When Forming Your Family Mission Statement

• Why is your marriage or your family important to you?

• How do you want to be treated by your family and how do you want them to treat one another? (I.E. with affection, respect, understanding, kindness, etc.)

• How do you want to resolve differences of opinion?

• How do you want to make decisions as a family?

• How do you want your family to handle disputes (both amongst yourselves and with extended family)?

• What traditions do you want to carry over from the families that raised you and what new traditions would you like to establish for your family?

• What kind of family do you want to be?

• What type of home environment do you want to create?

• How can we support each family member’s talents, dreams and goals?

• How do we contribute to to our community as a family?

Think about how your core family values fit into your answers for each of these questions and other any questions you think will be important to forming your family mission statement.

You May Not be One and Done

Write and re-write the family mission statement until everyone in the family agrees with your statement. It can (and will likely) evolve or change over the years. If you write it as a young couple, your values and goals may change after you’ve had children. And as those children grow, you’ll want to revisit your mission statement again (and maybe again and again) to include their thoughts also.

Last of all, let your family mission statement express your family’s personality. If you want each member of your family to embrace this mission statement, add meaning and significance to it by having it reflect the unique character and personality of your family. Is your family poetic? Write it as such. Are you funny? Add a humorous touch. Are you studious? Be academic with it. However you write it, let it be true to you and your family.

Have you and your family had similar conversations? What was meaningful to you about it? What other questions would you ask family members to spur conversation?