What Good Bosses and Good Mates Have in Common

I read an excellent article by Geoffrey James the other day. It was about bosses — specifically the personality differences between the ones who succeed and the ones who fail.

As I was reading, it occurred to me that there were haunting similarities between successful bosses and certain people in successful relationships. It’s no accident – being able to get along with others and communicate clearly are essential to both roles.

Here are the 6 traits that he cited for successful leaders, and I’m going to relate them to long-term relationships. See how you rate!

1. Humble

A good mate realizes that trying to boss around your other half is a losing battle. Even if you win in the short run, long-term resentments can crop up because you sabotaged the relationship with control. Instead, realize that your mate is a grownup with a whole different set of life experiences, so may not be inclined to do things your way. Try negotiation.

2. Flexible

When changes happen, people stress out. Sometimes these changes are out of y
our control, or at least seem that way. If you’re too rigid to handle challenges as they come up, your spouse is going to have to shoulder all the burden of making adjustments. Be flexible and cooperative. The only constant in the Universe is change.

3. Forthcoming

If you want your spouse to agree to something, do you tell him or her the complete story, or do you withhold facts that might get in the way of a “yes”? Telling yourself that he or she won’t mind it when they find out is no excuse for fooling your spouse. Don’t manipulate. Remember, preserving trust is Job 1.

4. Mindful of Mutual Agreements

Are you impulsive? When you have a basic plan in place and then make independent, spur-of-the-moment changes that affect the two of you, you’re asking for trouble. Don’t buy tickets for the Bahamas in the middle of austerity measures. Instead, take the time to ask yourself, “How might my spouse respond to this surprise?” Better yet, pick up the phone and ask.

5. Clear

Confusing, ill-defined, evasive communication can ruin a relationship. Are you so sensitive that you’re afraid to be clear? It’s up to you to give a clear answer to a question, or you risk years of misunderstandings. You can start by saying, “This is going to be hard to say,” but be accurate.

6. Kind

If you’re quick to anger, you might become so difficult to approach that your spouse simply gives up and avoids any meaningful conversation. Over time, even make-up gifts won’t matter.

People in successful relationships listen to each other, are more curious than judgmental, and consider the idea that there might be a myriad of solutions.

How did you rate in these qualities? One important quality was not listed in James’ original 6 – have fun together.

You can read the article that inspired this here.

Much Love,